The following post is by
Vincent LaRosa and Blair Leggett Cthulhu:
(There is a slight scuffling noise, followed by a faint hum, as if from some small electrical appliance).
Oof….ouch…wait for it…almost…bit of a tight…fit….ahhhhh….there! I’ve been sleeping in the same cramped spot for aeons. Literally. It’s a wonder I don’t have bed sores. Whatever they tell you, non-Euclidian architecture does NOT a comfortable bed make. It’s going to take at least a year to comb out the snarls in my tentacles.
(The sound of plodding footsteps as if from a sleep-walker can now be heard).
(Slimy, stentorian chuckle). Ok, it’s a bit like viewing the landscape through a port hole, but, well…I am in.
What the? Who puts that there? Hang on…I might be able to adjust….maybe if I jiggle this ocular nerve here…
Allow me to introduce myself. (throat clearing…sorry, this sea water sometimes makes me a bit phthisical…plays hell on the sinuses, you understand).
I have many names but this one really sums me up.
I, my dear reader, am Cthulhu. Ohhhhh yes. Tremble. (But, not too much. I’m just curious and here to observe and take some notes).
Now, I have heard “Dread Cthulhu” bandied about but really that, even for me, is just a little too pretentious.
Oh, and let me clear this up right now. I am not, nor am I any relation to, an octopus! Insulting. Octopi are downright rude, did you know that? I may be the lord of chaos over here, banned, imprisoned, and exiled….but my manners are exquisite.
And furthermore, do NOT ask me how to pronounce my name.
I staunchly refuse.
You really wouldn’t be able to say it correctly, anyway. Sorry, but your jaws just aren’t designed for it. And, honestly, I am glad. I look on the debate as a marketing tool. Really. Picture this. You have two school age children arguing about the pronunciation of my name. Now, up walks a third child. This one has NO idea what they are talking about nor that I even exist. He asks what the argument is about so his friends commence their indoctrination of a new member into my mythos! I get them while they’re young! It’s brilliant!
Now of course I am temporarily riding shotgun in this human vessel. So don’t, what are the kids saying these days? Don’t get your panties in a wad. Despite recent declarations in certain media, the stars are not quite right. Not yet. There are just a few more of the smaller, far flung star clusters that need alignment. A bit of nudging. But, you know how start clusters can be.
Let’s navigate into this living space. This puffy chair thing looks nice.
(a body can be heard settling into a chair). Ahhhhhh…..
And, now what I have been waiting to try. I’ll just settle this thing on the lap of this minion. There.
(Booting sounds of a laptop can be heard).
Hm. This is taking an inordinate amount of time to come alive.
(There is some annoying sounding grumbling, guttural and altogether alien language).
OK, one more moment here. Let me sift this fool’s feeble brain.
Ha! I am well pleased. Not so much a fool after all, although, a rather easy thing to guess, I suppose.
Have YOU guessed it?
It’s “Cthulhu” of course.
This is going to take a moment to settle so I think this is a good time to explain what I am about here. I am quite sure you are confused and perhaps a bit nervous?
There has been a lot of noise in the New England area of the United States lately. …much more so than usual.
Well, to be sure, you need throw blame on this festival, this convention that is about to take place in a few days. This NecromiCON 2013.
Nice word play that, by the way.
As you know, I am eternal. I am not dead, but dreaming. But, every so often (and it’s been some time, I admit), the call of many voices at once can rouse me to such an extent that I can muster the energy to keep my eyes open for a few days.
I can send out feelers…tendrils of my will I can push out into the world.
I have heard, nay, FELT the excitement, the fervor, the intense anticipation of this long waited NecronomiCON… it has been building for nigh on a decade and then some. It’s like a jolt to my spine and a stroke to my consciousness.
In the past, I have been relegated to sending out dreams to snare you humans. The best subjects are the unsettled, solitary natured, creative, sentimental souls. Sooooo easy to gift them with my dream patterns. It’s insidious really. Remember Henry Anthony Wilcox? Gorgeous sculpture my dreams conjured forth!
But this! IA! I have much more control!
(Maniacal laughter and more words in an alien language).
(Apologetic coughing sounds).
Sorry about that, folks. But I can be forgiven no? This rarely happens…
I have almost complete control of this vessel! I have to see, nay, NEED to see and experience what the climate is like. My new worshippers and their wonderful technology. I need to see what my previous vessel, H.P. Lovecraft has wrought!
(Beeping noise and laptop clearly booted.)
Aha. Here we go. One moment, while I again sift this human’s brain, again.
(A few seconds tick by, there is some humming of a song too indistinct to make out what).
Ok double click this browser thingy. Ok good. Now let’s enter in this name.
(Clicking noises can be heard.)
A “website”. Odd. I don’t see Atlach Natcha, the Leng variety, or any sort of arachnid!
A bit dark, no? A bit of color might be nice. They could clearly take some ideas from Mr. Pugmire. What color! I get so tired of the dark, drab colors of my own city. Don’t laugh, it’s not all that humorous! How would you like to be stuffed in a small space and forced to look at black and grey walls for aeons?
I would not be adverse to some red or blue here and there. Mr. Pugmire is clearly a connoisseur of color….and that headdress! Wonderful! Totally non-Euclidian…he gets it!
Interesting. We have movie screenings, art displays, and wait…what is this? A “Prayer Breakfast”? Oh now THAT sounds just lovely. Food and prayer offerings, just to me? Spiffy.
This “internet” phenomenon is fascinating….I might spend hours perusing and mining its secrets, but I will let this vessel slumber and regain it’s strength.
Soon. It will be making a pilgrimage, with a thousand and more others, to Providence, Rhode Island!
Ladies and Gentlemen. Cthulhu is going to NecronomiCON!
…and rest assured, I will have this vessel post my thoughts and if I can figure out the device….photos as well!
Dream Deep, Dream Dark….
PS. What is a Cthulhu “Plushy”? I will find out….it smacks of something….weak.